<Speedsaver> zen @ buildroot-speedsaver-lichee: Avoid administrative distraction.
peterm6881 has joined #Speedsaver
<peterm6881> hey
<peterm6881> peter@peter-powermatemlxxx:~/buildroot-2022.02.3$ for p in /home/peter/buildroot-speedsaver-lichee/buildroot-patches/*.patch; do patch -p1 < $p; done
<peterm6881> bash: /home/peter/buildroot-speedsaver-lichee/buildroot-patches/*.patch: No such file or directory
<peterm6881> shouldnt we have a copy of the patch in the new repo?
<peterm6881> or have I done something daft
<Xogium> there are no patches needed
<Xogium> that's why the readme did not mention that step
<peterm6881> ohh
<peterm6881> thats good news :)
<peterm6881> what was the patch for in the old OPi days?
<peterm6881> sorry im just so used to needing it
<Xogium> ah, setting a directory correctly
<peterm6881> hmm... doesnt ring a bell but ok
<peterm6881> building now
<peterm6881> do you know why we dont need to set that directory any more?
<Xogium> yep it was fixed in upstream
<peterm6881> nice
<peterm6881> ive commented out that step in my walkthrough but left it for reference
<peterm6881> thats good progress Xogium
<peterm6881> so far so good on the build
<peterm6881> 64-bit filesystem support is not enabled. The larger fields afforded by this feature enable full-strength checksumming. Pass -O 64bit to rectify.
<peterm6881> Filesystem UUID: 2968e72f-bace-4e6d-a915-8b411aaadf90
<peterm6881> 8193, 24577, 40961, 57345
<peterm6881> Superblock backups stored on blocks:
<peterm6881> Creating filesystem with 61440 1k blocks and 15360 inodes
<peterm6881> Allocating group tables: done
<peterm6881> Writing inode tables: done
<peterm6881> Creating journal (4096 blocks): done
<peterm6881> Copying files into the device: __populate_fs: Could not allocate block in ext2 filesystem while writing file "E1AM151H0EE1000AABCS.bin"
<peterm6881> mkfs.ext4: Could not allocate block in ext2 filesystem while populating file system
<peterm6881> *** Maybe you need to increase the filesystem size (BR2_TARGET_ROOTFS_EXT2_SIZE)
<peterm6881> make[1]: *** [fs/ext2/ext2.mk:65: /home/peter/buildroot-2022.02.3/output/speedsaver/images/rootfs.ext2] Error 1
<peterm6881> make: *** [Makefile:23: _all] Error 2
<peterm6881> brb
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<peterm6881> 64-bit filesystem support is not enabled. The larger fields afforded by this feature enable full-strength checksumming. Pass -O 64bit to rectify.
<peterm6881> Creating filesystem with 61440 1k blocks and 15360 inodes
<peterm6881> Filesystem UUID: f0007008-cb86-4b54-960d-9e40a09a4079
<peterm6881> 8193, 24577, 40961, 57345
<peterm6881> Superblock backups stored on blocks:
<peterm6881> Allocating group tables: done
<peterm6881> Writing inode tables: done
<peterm6881> Creating journal (4096 blocks): done
<peterm6881> Copying files into the device: __populate_fs: Could not allocate block in ext2 filesystem while writing file "E1AM151H0EE1000AABCS.bin"
<peterm6881> mkfs.ext4: Could not allocate block in ext2 filesystem while populating file system
<peterm6881> *** Maybe you need to increase the filesystem size (BR2_TARGET_ROOTFS_EXT2_SIZE)
<peterm6881> make[1]: *** [fs/ext2/ext2.mk:65: /home/peter/buildroot-2022.02.3/output/speedsaver/images/rootfs.ext2] Error 1
<peterm6881> make[1]: *** Waiting for unfinished jobs....
<peterm6881> make: *** [Makefile:23: _all] Error 2
<peterm6881> consistent
<Xogium> the fs is just big enough for the e4 map afaik
<peterm6881> ahh
<peterm6881> can you increase the size?
<peterm6881> otherwise sc6502 wont be able to use the image
<Xogium> hm sure
<peterm6881> :)
<peterm6881> for now, ive deleted all but the e4 map and xml file and and running a clean make, to see if anything else breaks
<Xogium> 128 mb should do it, you reckon ?
<Xogium> was 60 before
<peterm6881> ill check what it is in Speedsaver for the OPi0
<peterm6881> where do I check that
<Xogium> oh I can do that
<Xogium> woah we went overboard
<Xogium> 600 mb
<peterm6881> lol
<Xogium> I'll go to 256 just in case
<peterm6881> I cant remember how big the full mapset actually needs
<peterm6881> can you check in your OPi stuff?
<Speedsaver> master @ buildroot-speedsaver-lichee: xogium pushed 1 commit (https://github.com/Speedsaver/buildroot-speedsaver-lichee/compare/1bd0167ae10d...b100c1fe67b3):
<Speedsaver> master @ buildroot-speedsaver-lichee: xogium b100c1: board/speedsaver: increase rootfs size. (https://github.com/Speedsaver/buildroot-speedsaver-lichee/commit/b100c1fe67b3d7dc38506cc8c2b5ecfd01d5f6e8)
<Xogium> 85 mb or so
<peterm6881> that rings a bell
<Xogium> so since 60+85 is 145, I went to 256 to be on the safe size
<Xogium> or side
<Xogium> hahaha
<Xogium> lol well here's a good reason to wait on kernel update
<Xogium> I just saw 5.18.11 coming out this second
<peterm6881> stable?
<peterm6881> yeah 256 sounds good
<peterm6881> gives us a bit of headroom for other maps
<peterm6881> ok I pulled and now running a clean make
<Xogium> yep stable
<peterm6881> nice. I love being bang up to date with this shit
<peterm6881> thats what sets us apart
<peterm6881> ahh i did a make clean && make -j5 and I got the same error
<peterm6881> Copying files into the device: __populate_fs: Could not allocate block in ext2 filesystem while writing file "E1AM151H0EE1000AABCS.bin"
<peterm6881> *** Maybe you need to increase the filesystem size (BR2_TARGET_ROOTFS_EXT2_SIZE)
<peterm6881> make[1]: *** [fs/ext2/ext2.mk:65: /home/peter/buildroot-2022.02.3/output/speedsaver/images/rootfs.ext2] Error 1
<peterm6881> mkfs.ext4: Could not allocate block in ext2 filesystem while populating file system
<peterm6881> make: *** [Makefile:23: _all] Error 2
<Xogium> hmm you forgot to rerun the defconfig ?
<peterm6881> that was after I did a git pull on our repo and it updated
<peterm6881> umm...nope!
<Xogium> when the defconfig is modified you have to redo this
<peterm6881> lol'
<peterm6881> yeah my bad, sorry
<peterm6881> success
<peterm6881> now to burn
<peterm6881> small bug
<peterm6881> it creates an image called sdcard-.img
<peterm6881> hecvk
<peterm6881> heck
<Xogium> hmm
<Xogium> ah yes because there are no release made yet
<peterm6881> i corrected it in the Buildroot directory, but yeah, weird one
<peterm6881> good news
<peterm6881> i can confirm the image works perfectly in all respects
<peterm6881> gps, left and right audio
<peterm6881> good work Xogium , thank you so much
<peterm6881> excellent
<peterm6881> so yeah, go ahead and update the kernel and stamp a release
<peterm6881> im not sure why no release made gives us an image named sdcard-.img
<Xogium> because normally the release goes between the dash and the dot
<Xogium> since it had nothing to put there, well
<peterm6881> ive never seen that before, is it not just a typo somehwere
<peterm6881> ahhh
<peterm6881> got it
<peterm6881> funny i never saw that before
<Speedsaver> buildroot-speedsaver-lichee: xogium tagged * d9a48c (Release 2022-07-12) as 2022-07-12 (https://github.com/Speedsaver/buildroot-speedsaver-lichee/compare/9e456f3a4d35^...d9a48cec4f30)
<Speedsaver> 2022-07-12 @ buildroot-speedsaver-lichee: xogium 9e456f: board/speedsaver: update kernel to 5.18.11. (https://github.com/Speedsaver/buildroot-speedsaver-lichee/commit/9e456f3a4d35834944898c59f40804e6bc99dab3)
<Speedsaver> 2022-07-12 @ buildroot-speedsaver-lichee: xogium 7ced6b: Added changelog file. (https://github.com/Speedsaver/buildroot-speedsaver-lichee/commit/7ced6b6d05c114273c103f0de12ceac5a1a5d512)
<Speedsaver> 2022-07-12 @ buildroot-speedsaver-lichee: xogium d9a48c: Release 2022-07-12 (https://github.com/Speedsaver/buildroot-speedsaver-lichee/commit/d9a48cec4f303836453bc6245070d6816857f51c)
<Speedsaver> buildroot-speedsaver-lichee: xogium tagged 2022-07-12 (https://github.com/Speedsaver/buildroot-speedsaver-lichee/releases/tag/2022-07-12)
<Speedsaver> master @ buildroot-speedsaver-lichee: xogium pushed 3 commits (https://github.com/Speedsaver/buildroot-speedsaver-lichee/compare/b100c1fe67b3...d9a48cec4f30):
<Speedsaver> master @ buildroot-speedsaver-lichee: xogium 9e456f: board/speedsaver: update kernel to 5.18.11. (https://github.com/Speedsaver/buildroot-speedsaver-lichee/commit/9e456f3a4d35834944898c59f40804e6bc99dab3)
<Speedsaver> master @ buildroot-speedsaver-lichee: xogium 7ced6b: Added changelog file. (https://github.com/Speedsaver/buildroot-speedsaver-lichee/commit/7ced6b6d05c114273c103f0de12ceac5a1a5d512)
<Speedsaver> master @ buildroot-speedsaver-lichee: xogium d9a48c: Release 2022-07-12 (https://github.com/Speedsaver/buildroot-speedsaver-lichee/commit/d9a48cec4f303836453bc6245070d6816857f51c)
<Xogium> should work now
<peterm6881> outstanding
<peterm6881> building now, go do something fun
<Xogium> gah, too hot to do much of anything
<Xogium> 35 outside so probably close to 40 in here
<peterm6881> sheesh
<peterm6881> Ross again. Dad has gone off to the caravan for a bit and may be back this evening, but if not, he'll be back tomorrow
<Xogium> awesome
<Xogium> how's life ?
<peterm6881> Decent, decent
<peterm6881> Sorry for the delay, I was going to the shop haha
<peterm6881> The weather is quite questionable at the minute though; it seems to be somewhat bipolar lol
<peterm6881> How's life treating you?
<peterm6881> I'm feeling the impact of having an older computer when I try to compress folders or emulate ngl; it's becoming pretty painful
<Xogium> ouch
<Xogium> nvme ftw
<Xogium> I'm trying to build a software and somehow failing when building it manually, when building it with buildroot and my own config, but not when using a tree provided by someone else
<Xogium> go figure
<peterm6881> Well, my Samsung Evo is pretty nippy, it's just my CPU that sucks
<peterm6881> i3
<Xogium> the build goes fine, but the software is broken and I don't know what to do to make it work
<peterm6881> Beyond me, ngl
<peterm6881> Wish I could help
<Xogium> heh its sure starting to be beyond me too
<Xogium> I have exactly the same build flags set in my config, I'm using the exact same toolchain
<Xogium> fun part is, it doesn't error out or anything
<Xogium> it just.... doesn't launch
<Xogium> and since its low level software, nearly bare metal, it doesn't get to be very verbose in debug even if I ask it to, I only have 256 kb sram x.x
<peterm6881> ¯\_(o_o)_/¯
<Xogium> yeah exactly what I feel like
<peterm6881> I got doom running on a Fiio M3K music player lmao
<peterm6881> Not exactly the most productive activity
<Xogium> ahah
<Xogium> well
<peterm6881> Although the music doesn't work
<Xogium> the bootloader I'm using on one of my device has a doom port
<Xogium> because why not
<Xogium> like, you can play doom in the bootloader itself
<peterm6881> Rockbox with rockdoom?
<Xogium> hehe no, barebox bootloader
<Xogium> and the port was called baredoom
<peterm6881> Lmao I have to look that up
<peterm6881> What device btw?
<Xogium> the stm32mp157c odyssey board from seeed studio, Peter has one of those hanging around, maybe you saw it
<Xogium> looks kinda like a rpi, similar form factor
<Speedsaver> Title: JSBarebox (at barebox.org)
<Xogium> by the way
<Xogium> I believe doom is in that port
<peterm6881> I saw something that seemed like a similar project before as well
<peterm6881> Doom as a payload for coreboot
<Xogium> oh nice
<Xogium> barebox wants to integrate irc as well
<Xogium> that one can actually be useful
<peterm6881> Although I think it doesn't have sound or USB keyboard support
<peterm6881> True
<Xogium> you can just go on irc from the bootloader and be like, hey, this isn't booting up !
<peterm6881> Would have been me if I didn't get a smartphone lol
<Xogium> hehe
<Xogium> I wish irc on the phone was better. It really sucks when using screen reader though
<peterm6881> I remember taking like 1kb pictures on my other button phone and moving them to my laptop then sending them in an XMPP chat for support lol
<Xogium> none of the incoming or outgoing messages are read automatically
<peterm6881> IRC seems cool but I really have no need to be on it ngl
<peterm6881> I was a big XMPP guy for a while
<peterm6881> But the community is full of neckbeards, schizos and transgender people
<Xogium> honestly it is the most easy way for communicating. You can do it straight from a linux console, for one. You don't need a stupid bloated client *cough* discord, telegram, facebook
<peterm6881> IRC clients are probably better than XMPP clients
<peterm6881> I was using Gajim for a while
<peterm6881> Plugins kept breaking
<Xogium> hehe depends for what, I reckon. Those are entirely different protocols
<peterm6881> And all the terminal options were broken and kept crashing ST
<Xogium> but yeah in general its tons easier because you don't bother with images, with audio, with anything but plain text
<Xogium> irc's been there since the 80's or so, and its still evolving these days
<Xogium> crazy stuff
<peterm6881> I can't remember when XMPP came out
<peterm6881> But I guess it's still quite a bit less mature
<peterm6881> Probably late 90s early 2000s
<Xogium> 1999, looks like
<peterm6881> I just use Signal messenger now
<peterm6881> Bloat, I know
<peterm6881> But it just works
<peterm6881> And after a certain point, you stop caring so much about bloat because we have expensive hardware for a reason
<Xogium> its not just bloat... It's also usability when you're blind that matters in my case
<peterm6881> I was just about to say that too
<peterm6881> That I don't have a specialised use case
<Xogium> unfortunately discord, signal, facebook, all of that are a pain on the pc, even google chat
<Xogium> don't get me started on matrix or slack
<peterm6881> How do you access facebook?
<peterm6881> Mobile with screen reader?
<Xogium> I cheat. I use bitlbee which is a software that converts everything into a pseudo irc protocol
<Xogium> mobile is.. I mean, it's okay, mostly. I can read, but typing is a chore. I have to double tap the text field instead of single, like with everything else, but that in itself isn't the problem
<Xogium> the issue is that if I want to type a letter I have to move my finger on the keyboard I can't feel, until I hear the correct letter, then lift up my finger
<Xogium> can take me about 5 to 10 seconds to insert a single letter
<peterm6881> Jeez, I feel spoiled
<peterm6881> I thought I had it hard with mobile keyboards
<peterm6881> How many WPM can you do with a desktop keyboard?
<Xogium> so most of the time I'm like fuck this, I either send a voice clip or try to do speech to text
<Xogium> hmm, y'know, I never measured that. I'd say not too bad, but I don't know how many
<peterm6881> You should totally measure that
<peterm6881> I'm super curious
<peterm6881> Not sure if there are any accessible sites though
<peterm6881> And also not sure how you would do a typing test if you can't see the words you're supposed to type
<Xogium> I probably type relatively fast... I use all 10 fingers rather than just one like most people seem to do for whatever reason
<peterm6881> Nice
<peterm6881> I learned how to type properly about a year ago
<Xogium> ahah
<peterm6881> Before that I was just hovering my fingers over WASD and using only my pointer finger on the other hand
<Xogium> this has been a lesson that I learned when I was... About 5 or 6, if I remember
<peterm6881> Because I was used to gaming (cringe)
<Xogium> way back then, before I even learned the keyboard, there was a special program they put on my computer, and that turned the whole keyboard into nothing more than a braille typewriter
<Xogium> so I only had about 8 keys to memorize
<Xogium> if I pressed f, it typed a, f+d would type b, and so on
<Xogium> but then they turned it off and made me learn the normal keyboard
<Xogium> I absolutely hated it in the beginning lol
<peterm6881> How do you feel about alternate layouts like colemak and workman?
<peterm6881> Considering you probably type a lot
<Xogium> oh boy... I honestly tried my best to learn them, but I think I kind of got too set in my ways
<Xogium> I can't even get used to azerty
<Xogium> :D
<Xogium> I'm stuck in my good old qwerty in canadian french
<peterm6881> Got to love qwerty
<Xogium> which is rather funny because if you saw me typing and you knew azerty your brain would totally bug -- my keyboard is physically azerty, but I forced it in qwerty mode
<peterm6881> What's that stuff you do with binaural audios, by the way?
<peterm6881> Totally random but I was curious haha
<peterm6881> I'm not super familiar with azerty tbh, but it's pretty self explanatory lmao
<Xogium> how do you mean, about binaural audio ?
<peterm6881> Field recordings, or something like that
<peterm6881> I may be getting it muddled up in my head
<Xogium> yeah, but what do you want to know exactly ?
<peterm6881> Well, I'm just crious about it
<peterm6881> curious*
<peterm6881> I'm a binaural audio layman
<peterm6881> Can I get a summary lmao?
<Xogium> ah
<Xogium> Binaural recording is a method of recording sound that uses two microphones, arranged with the intent to create a 3-D stereo sound sensation for the listener of actually being in the room with the performers or instruments. This effect is often created using a technique known as dummy head recording, wherein a mannequin head is fitted with a microphone in each ear. Binaural recording is intended for
<Xogium> replay using headphones and will not translate properly over stereo speakers. This idea of a three-dimensional or "internal" form of sound has also translated into useful advancement of technology in many things such as stethoscopes creating "in-head" acoustics and IMAX movies being able to create a three-dimensional acoustic experience.
<Xogium> basically it more or less make the microphones hear how you would
<peterm6881> Ah, I've seen some ASMR videos like that
<peterm6881> With the heads
<Xogium> As a general rule, for true binaural results, an audio recording and to record binaural sound reproduction system chain, from the microphone to the listener's brain, should contain one and only one set of pinnae (preferably the listener's own), and one head-shadow.
<Xogium> which is what I'm doing
<Xogium> no fake head for me
<Xogium> thing is I'm not doing asmr, I'm going places and recording stuff
<Xogium> like birds, or the sea, or a forest, or a concert :p
<peterm6881> Do you have any examples of it?
<Xogium> hmm
<Xogium> yeah sure
<Xogium> I scared Peter with that one, air raid siren from a distance
<Xogium> I wish I could have gotten it closer but I don't know where exactly it is
<Xogium> I'll try and send you a link in pm with another, but since this one is rather private and I must not send it all over the place, be careful with that
<Xogium> it is a music from a concert I recorded on the 8th, concert at a small restorant of musics from the 50/60/70's
<Xogium> this music is like the pure expression of rock n'roll
<Xogium> I was literally 5 meters away from the stage
<peterm6881> Well, that was quite the experience
<peterm6881> I got fairly immersed and was a little shocked when I heard the
<peterm6881> French at the end haha
<Xogium> hehehe
<Xogium> that was the last song so yeah they were like, we got this man at the drum set, this one at the guitar
<peterm6881> Ah, I see haha
<peterm6881> What kind of mic setup do you use?
<Xogium> and then his voice bugged when he talked about the tech for sound
<Xogium> so everyone laughed
<Xogium> I have a pair of.. hum leme find the name again
<Xogium> ah yes
<peterm6881> A pair of...
<peterm6881> Cliffhanger
<Xogium> ms-ehb-2-mkii mics around my ears, the version with xlr cable
<Speedsaver> Title: Sound Professionals MS-EHB-2-MKII - Ultra-low noise Ear-hook binaural microphone - Studio grade MS-EHB-2-MKII (at soundprofessionals.com)
<Xogium> and a tascam dr-100mkIII recorder
<peterm6881> How much did all that set you back?
<Xogium> actually... I didn't pay for either
<Xogium> the recorder I got as a birthday present
<Xogium> the mics, since I am a really awesome customer for sp, they gave me for free for a test run
<Xogium> the only thing I payed was the shipping and the xlr cable
<Xogium> but the mics are about $340 usd and the tascam when it was still manufactured was around $300
<Xogium> sp makes literally the best binaural mics on the market, far as I'm aware. no other mics have that kind of performance, for binaural
<Xogium> not even mics that cost upwards of $1000
<Xogium> those are actually a lot worse
<Xogium> 3dio makes another binaural mic but... meh
<peterm6881> Lucky
<peterm6881> Yeah, I saw some youtube people using a 3dio rig for their asmr setup
<Xogium> 3dio suck
<peterm6881> I used to have a blue yeti that would have been useful if I was doing podcasting lol
<peterm6881> But it sucked that you have to pay more for the minixlr version
<peterm6881> So I was stuck being capped by mini usb
<Xogium> oh yes blue yeti is a fairly good mic
<peterm6881> Just sold it a few weeks ago
<peterm6881> Ridding myself of all superfluous possessions
<peterm6881> Very satisfying
<Xogium> yep, I bet
<Xogium> I'd never buy a $2000 binaural mic pair for sure
<Xogium> especially if it has such horrible performance
<peterm6881> Kind of a philosophical question here, so prepare yourself haha
<peterm6881> Do you care much for material possessions as someone that can't see?
<peterm6881> Not that it defines you or anything, lol
<Xogium> I don't know heh, depends which, I'd guess
<Xogium> if it's things I've been working on my own with like all my sbc I tend to kinda feel a sort of attachment
<Xogium> or things I know I can never get my hands on again like the tascam recorder
<Xogium> if it ever breaks, boy am I in trouble
<Xogium> you can't get it anymore, tascam stopped producing it
<Xogium> and all the other recorders you can get are either hard to use because they use a menu system that wraps around if you keep going down or if you go up when already at the top
<Xogium> so when you have to mind how many times you turn a wheel or something, and have to remember that it can flip back around, its a pain
<Xogium> none of those talk, of course
<peterm6881> Lol sounds like you need a personal assistant
<peterm6881> Get rich and make it happen haha
<Xogium> neither does the tascam, but it has hardware switches for a lot of functions, and those that don't are inside a menu which doesn't wrap around if you keep trying to move down
<Xogium> or... the worst of all. The recorders are getting touchscreen
<Xogium> touchscreens, no tts, oh boy
<Xogium> forget about ever using one
<peterm6881> This sounds like a whole world of pain that I never really had to consider
<Xogium> big badass companies like apple and google had no choice but to work on a screen reader for their products. But companies like tascam and zoom and sound devices ? Hmph
<Xogium> can always dream
<peterm6881> Are you not worried that if you went outside someone could... you know... just put you in a bag or something lmao
<Xogium> how do you mean ?
<peterm6881> I would love to hear how that sentence sounded via text to speech
<peterm6881> I'm not sure
<peterm6881> Just seems like a pretty big tactical disadvantage
<Xogium> hehe not a lot of expression to the voice, not monotone, but not human either
<Xogium> and it says 'dot dot dot'
<Xogium> lol
<peterm6881> I imagine being pretty paranoid, but that's probably just because I'm used to it and I would probably be screwed without it lol
<peterm6881> I wonder who would win in a fight between the two of us if I had a blindfold on...
<peterm6881> Alright, I'm going too deep down the rabbit hole
<Xogium> I tend to really not be a social person, honestly, it's not so much that I'm parano around folks but more that I tend to feel things around people they don't even are aware they project
<peterm6881> Like what?
<peterm6881> Better make sure they smell good around you lol
<Xogium> like I tend to notice if someone is nervous or fears something, if someone is angry, that sort of stuff. My personal theory is I somehow pick up on hormones scents, but what do I know
<Xogium> fear smells kind of metalic, almost like blood and its frankly uncomfortable and makes me be on edge
<Xogium> anger is very sharp, very bitter
<Xogium> and the one I honestly hate the most of all is one I got very familiar with at school every time we had the sex aid class
<Xogium> that one is spicy and sweet, almost pleasant, until I realize what that was, that is
<Xogium> then that outright freaked me out
<peterm6881> And what would that be in your own words haha?
<Xogium> I figured it was sexual desire or something close to it
<Xogium> but when you get people in the corridor that corner you and they smell like that, yeah, honestly I felt trapped and lashed out
<Xogium> people who weren't even on friendly term with me, I might add
<peterm6881> I have to admit, when you describe it like that, it sounds fairly horrific lmao
<Xogium> yeah... maybe I overreacted at the time, but honestly I felt really scared
<Xogium> it isn't like teens can control their hormones very much after all
<peterm6881> Pretty nasty
<peterm6881> We should just commit mass suicide and give the world to the more primitive creatures
<Xogium> hehe
<Xogium> between that and the constant bullying, my years at school were kind of hellish
<peterm6881> You got bullied? Did you mention that to me before?
<peterm6881> If you did, my bad
<Xogium> bullying by other kids but also by teachers
<Xogium> nop, don't think I have
<peterm6881> Teachers were mean to you?
<Xogium> oh yeah plenty
<peterm6881> Are you cool with talking about it?
<peterm6881> Wouldn't want to gloss over anything touchy lol
<Xogium> there was even one who didn't like my face or something, she refused that I play with the other kids in a small pool they had setup for the day. She left me in direct sunlight for over 4 hours, with no protection at all. No sunscreen, no clothes but my swimming trunks
<Xogium> 2nd degree burns on almost all of my body, thanks
<peterm6881> What a scumbag
<Xogium> oh, she left me a bucket of water with tiny sponges inside. I was considering if I should drink the water or drip it all over my face
<peterm6881> So your life consisted of either being toasted outside or molested through energy lol
<peterm6881> Nice
<Xogium> yeah
<Xogium> I got kinda better away from my country
<Xogium> but it will take time
<peterm6881> I would tell you other stuff but some stuff doesn't need to exist online forever, you know
<Xogium> I still get very very bad moments where I'm depressed enough to try and take my own life so.. honestly yeah
<peterm6881> And also this isn't exactly my account either lol
<peterm6881> Ah, I'm sorry to hear that
<Xogium> I wonder if I'll ever get rid of those feelings entirely or if they'll always be an echo somewhere
<Xogium> they gave me a diagnose of, wha t was it called again ?
<Xogium> ah yeah... Persistent depressive disorder
<Xogium> no shit, sherlock
<Xogium> I could have told you so myself
<peterm6881> There's a diagnosis for everything these days
<peterm6881> Just take your meds and don't ask questions lol
<peterm6881> Don't bother socialising, eating well and looking after yourself
<peterm6881> Never works /s
<peterm6881> It's a crazy world
<peterm6881> Obviously some people actually need meds, just joking
<Xogium> I get moments where everything's okay. I'm not happy, but I'm not depressed really. I don't feel much of anything, actually
<Xogium> and then out of the blue, for no reason at all, boom. I get depressed to the point of apathy at best, and suicidal at worst
<peterm6881> Yeah my dad mentioned something along the lines of that
<peterm6881> That you went to hospital
<Xogium> yeah
<peterm6881> Do you want to talk about that?
<peterm6881> Sounds rough
<Xogium> though to be honest that one was made even worse by the fact Peter actually really hurt me that time, when I was already quite depressed and not well at all
<Xogium> so huh, that kind of didn't help
<peterm6881> What did he do?
<peterm6881> Or do you not want to say it here?
<Xogium> oh he got angry at me because I selected hardware and was struggling to summon the energy to get it going good for the speedsaver project, and when I said I wasn't feeling okay and all he went as far as saying he didn't give a damn and I better get my ass in gear or else midnight the next day I was fired from the team
<peterm6881> Is there somewhere else we can talk lol?
<Xogium> he didn't intend to do it for real, but I didn't know that, and yeah, having someone who I considered as friend telling me he didn't give a shit about how crappy I felt
<Xogium> that sent me straight over the edge
<Xogium> oh you can pm me, that query window I sent you the link in earlier, you can type there and it should work
<peterm6881> It's still on here though
<Xogium> how about that ?
<Xogium> a query in irc is the equivalent of pm
<peterm6881> I just mean that it would be something I could do on my own computer
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<Xogium> woah, my client went bonkers
<peterm6881> same
<peterm6881> weird
<Xogium> yeah like I dunno it just crahsed libera but not the other networks
<Xogium> *crashed
<peterm6881> yeah lol
<peterm6881> but yeah i guess there isn't really any other platform that accessible to you
<Xogium> yeah... modern stuff kind of suck :p
<peterm6881> well, i don't know why a situation like that would occur
<peterm6881> although i don
<peterm6881> don't want to say anything bad because he's going to read this lol
<peterm6881> but yeah that was uncalled for
<Xogium> well, at least now he realized this
<Xogium> he was too caught up in his own not feeling well mode so he didn't pick up on mine
<Xogium> and that sure took a turn for the worse
<Xogium> he never thought that I'd actually go through with it. I mean he knew I was depressed and stuff, but I guess he never thought that I would go that bad
<Xogium> he thought I was making up the suicide card as a way to get my own way with things, like a means of putting pressure to get what I wanted
<peterm6881> What did you do exactly?
<peterm6881> Cut yourself?
<Xogium> yup and didn,t miss my shot, problem is I forgot that if you do one wrist you often can't do the other beause you paralyze your hand. Dummy
<Xogium> *because
<Xogium> I even did it nice or well as clean as it could be so my friend wouldn't be left ot clean up the mess, went in a bath
<Xogium> so all he'd have to do mostly would be to, pardon the expression hah, pull the plug
<peterm6881> I was always wondering if you were more than friends with that guy ngl
<peterm6881> Seemed like a sketchy situation lol
<peterm6881> But yeesh, I can't even imagine how it got to that point
<Xogium> you mean with the guy I live with ?
<peterm6881> yeah lol
<Xogium> oh nah, none of that
<peterm6881> seemed like a peculiar situation so i just assumed you were just withholding the fact you were in a relationship for some reason haha
<Xogium> he's asexual, kinda why I actually feel like I'm not a piece of meat with him around hehe
<peterm6881> I don't trust the whole asexual thing in general haha
<peterm6881> But that seems fairly ideal for your situation tbh
<peterm6881> I think people like that just have hormonal issues
<peterm6881> It doesn't make sense that someone would lose the urge to reproduce
<peterm6881> Considering nobody in their family tree lost it and such
<Xogium> I don't have anything against guys or even women, but its just.. not my stuff either, With the way I pick up on those scent, I'm always nervous when I'm around others
<peterm6881> I mean, I'm good
<Xogium> that is one way to turn it off, hehe
<Xogium> worked exremely well if I do say so myself
<peterm6881> I have my situation and I'm happy with it lmao
<peterm6881> Lol people are having their chances with your ruined by their scent before they even speak haha
<Xogium> yeah and its not even something I can help it just
<Xogium> it makes me beyond uncomfortable because I know its directed at me
<peterm6881> I was never really part of the dating game
<peterm6881> I have never flirted in my life and I'm fairly proud of it
<Xogium> haha
<Xogium> neither have I
<peterm6881> Things just happen for me, for some reason
<peterm6881> I guess it just depends on what life throws my way
<peterm6881> It might be good or it might be bad
<peterm6881> Although it does feel like I have no control over my own life
<peterm6881> I'm in the passenger seat for the most part
<Xogium> I know its not something people can help, that whole scent stuff, but yeah, it honestly doesn't make me feel wanted, more like I'm a nice steak ready to be eaten just how they like it
<Xogium> feels like I'm a prey and they are the predators
<peterm6881> Not to stereotype but that seems like a common female problem
<peterm6881> Which sucks
<peterm6881> But I mean, it makes sense
<Xogium> oh yep it probably is
<peterm6881> You weren't really ever going to be the predator lmao
<Xogium> I guess on some level people detect it too, just not by scent. That's kind of what hormones were made for after all
<peterm6881> But I hate that these things ruin so many inter-gender interactions
<peterm6881> Just seems to get in the way
<Xogium> yeah, they most likely do
<peterm6881> Some people just can't control themselves
<peterm6881> It's kind of sad
<peterm6881> Then there's the people that go off the deep end and do some bullshit to get arrested
<peterm6881> But it pains me to think what people might do if there were no consequences for actions
<Xogium> like your dad says, humanity is fundamentaly insane
<Xogium> ^^
<peterm6881> I guess so
<peterm6881> I'll probably go and live in a shed or something eventually
<peterm6881> But I get easily bored
<peterm6881> Modern problems
<Xogium> heh
<peterm6881> Ted Kazynski lifestyle
<peterm6881> Minus the bombs
<Xogium> if it was me I'd spend my days going places and recording everything just for the fact of recording
<peterm6881> I love taking pictures of stuff
<peterm6881> Just random bullshit
<peterm6881> And having the GPS coordinates embedded so I can come back to it on streetview
<peterm6881> Really fun
<peterm6881> Probably a similar experience for you haha
<Xogium> oh yes
<Xogium> well, I'll be off to get some z's
<Xogium> seeya around :)
<Xogium> it was really cool talking with you
<peterm6881> well, feel your scent around haha
<peterm6881> you too, you too
<peterm6881> enjoy your sleep
<Xogium> hehe thanks
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